Smith House Circus

This weekend has been a bit sad for me.  My little brick and mortar shop is closing.  Even though it is for the best, and it is what I wanted, I am still heartbroken.  My shop was like my little baby.  I created it from nothing, and I was so proud of my "little business that could."  So, I'm mourning the loss of my little dream.

I'm very excited about all my new dreams and adventures.

But, that's not what this post is about.

I'm also very disappointed in myself.  I've become so jaded that, instead of being grateful for huge unexpected blessings, I spend my time trying to figure out where the ugly is, how it's going to come back to bite me later.

To make a long story short, a stranger did something nice for me.  Something super nice, involving what I consider to be a huge amount of money.  She said, "Consider this a blessing from God, and I know I will be blessed because of this, too."  Instead of jumping for joy and thanking my God for coming through for me once again, I questioned everything about this beautiful momet.  What's in it for the stranger?  Could she somehow be conning me, will this hurt me later on?  and so on and so forth.  I wanted to call her back and talk her out of her generous gift, return her blessing with a polite "no thank you".  All because I have been conditioned to believe that people are only out for themselves, especially when it comes to situations involving money. 

This has to change.

I am ashamed of myself.

I am going to spend the rest of my day in gratitude.  And then, the rest of my life.  I am going to retrain myself to know that people are good, people are generous.  Good things do happen, with no bad side effects.